Powerlifting…and lifting in general.

It seems I have lost sight of why I started lifting weights in the first place, which was simple: self improvement. I made quick progress the first few months (as most newbs do), but things kind of stalled. I had no direction, and my information was coming from unreliable sources (friends, internet). It took some time for me to sort out the good from the bad and realize what info is trustworthy and what is not. Making a decision to do powerlifting finally gave me a direction. And when I first started training for it, my only goal was to simply beat my total at each meet. But, as with many other things in life, I started to compare myself to others, and too much so. I was becoming frustrated, wondering why I wasn’t where they were and setting unrealistic goals for myself. I was making attempts that were what I wanted to achieve and felt I should achieve, but not what I could achieve and that were within my capabilities. This caused even more frustration. It is almost impossible to not compare yourself to someone else- Hell, it fires the competitive spirit and gives you something to shoot for. But I started thinking “I should be at (blank) total by now” or “my total should be higher for what I weigh” or “God, there are people way younger than me that are way stronger,” not taking into consideration many factors. I’m not here to make excuses, but why should I compare myself or rather beat myself up if I’m not lifting what someone who has been lifting for 10+ years is? Or that someone 60 lbs heavier is lifting? I messed around with weights here and there some years ago, but didn’t really get into it until 5 years ago, and didn’t start powerlifting until about 2 years ago. I feel I didn’t even really know what I was doing until about 2-1/2 years ago. Fact is, I’m still relatively young in my training age. Some of the people I compare myself to have been training for 10-20 years. Some haven’t, and just have amazing genetics. Others have the opportunity to train as often as they’d like, when they like. Some actually go to powerlifting gyms and have that specific support group that pushes lifters and allows them to see better results and faster. But the fact is, I’m a single dad with a full time job who still wants to have a life. I can’t expect to have the same results as someone else, or anyone else for that matter. I do not have the motivation, nor the dedication, that these others have. And that may sound sad, but it’s just the truth. And the reason for that comes full circle to my original intent: self improvement. This is a hobby. I enjoy going to the gym, getting stronger, and seeing results, but it is not my end-all-and-be-all. If I miss a day, oh well. If I don’t give it my all one day, no big deal. If I can only get to the gym twice a week (which is how it is now, when I’ve gone as many as 6 days a week in the past), that’s just the way it is. So as long as I am improving, whether it be by bringing up weak points, increasing my lifts, gaining weight, or changing my body composition, I should…not satisfied….but accepting. If I had been lifting for 10 years or didn’t have to work or had the free time to train more or the money to join a different gym, then I should seriously question myself about where I am right now and why I am not better. But given the effort I put into it, and that it is just a fun hobby, I think I’m doing alright. Am I where I want to be? Not at all, in any way, shape or form. But I’m working on getting there. I was stressing out about my upcoming meet because I’m not going to be able to hit the numbers I want to hit. Will I be able to PR? Most likely, but I’m off “plan.” I expected to be approaching a higher total by my third meet. But, back it up again, and considering my young training age, the amount of time I put in, and the fact that I had some time off due to a motorcycle accident earlier this year, I’m not really sure how I can expect more. So I have to look at it like this: as long as I PR, I have progressed. And next meet, I will PR again. And while these PR’s may be small, eventually they will take me to the totals I desire and beyond. Brick by brick I will continue to lay the foundation for a house that will never be finished. I just need to make sure I enjoy the process along the way.